On the wrong steamship.

About Aspergers, Autism and (some) Adventures.

As an Aspie in the workplace … — 2018-10-13

As an Aspie in the workplace …

The last four weeks were exhausting: the work started again. There were new colleagues, many face-to-face talks, conferences.

In the first two weeks there was no afternoon that I didn’t have to recover from working day. And by that I don’t mean a 20 minute power nap. Some days I’d collapse straight into bed at home. Continue reading

Self-injurious behaviour — 2018-10-07

Self-injurious behaviour

I hit myself when I was a teenager.

If, for example, I couldn’t get any further with my homework or an appointment came closer and closer, but I couldn’t get ahead with that damn paper, I hammer myself at the head, with my hands or even with my finger joints or fist.

As a child, when I was excited or really desperate, I hit the ground with my hands, my arms, my feet until I felt this feeling at the affected parts of my body, this warm tingling stream. I only noticed possible injuries later.

Today this only happens when I really can’t understand something, when there is something which doesn’t want “to go in my head”, when I am very, very stressed, when I am supposed to do something completely illogical, but I can’t do it, then I hit myself on the head again and again. It just happens. Even if I know that this is an absurd behaviour, because it can’t change my tricky situation, it “happens”.
If everything runs smoothly, this does not happen.

But when, when does life run smoothly?

Exhausting. Just exhausting. — 2018-07-11

Exhausting. Just exhausting.

My life as an autist is exhausting.
Hardly a day goes by without an event that drains my reserves of strength.

Be it the tram that breaks down and makes me play the routine for being late, or the oddly hazy sky that makes the sun shine brightly,

Whether it’s an annoying letter that requires me to send some documents within two weeks, or the doctor’s office that replies to my e-mail (!), that I should phone them to make an appointment.

Be it the reckless neighbour who thinks he has to play music on Sundays at 12:00 (!) with the window open or the goods in the supermarket, once again in another place.

Continue reading

Draining shields. Or sensory impacts. — 2017-11-21
1st anniversary. — 2017-06-25

1st anniversary.

One year ago this blog has been launched.

I was less often in the Radio room than I thought I would be.

Even on our Autistic Pride Day I did not post a single syllable 😦  Well, I did not forget, but I could not bring myself together to write something nice and encouraging.

The last months were demanding, my journey through life on my steamer was “energy-sapping”. Well, obviously the normal “highs and lows”, as the saying goes, but in addition to that there were storms and high seas and pirates.

Of course I am the captain on this vessel, but I am also an Aspie-Captain.

For me it is many times harder to butt out than for people near me: They can swallow unfair behaviour. They say to themselves: “Let them be right, so I have my peace.”

I can not handle things in this manner.

I have to fight and I have to sort things out. Otherwise they will be “active” in my head and distract me at work or even from my everyday stuff.

I wish my journey would take me to a place where I can live my life, where I can work, write, enjoy things, rest as I need it to stay save and sound.

May you do well!