On the wrong steamship.

About Aspergers, Autism and (some) Adventures.

Holidays. But properly. — 2019-09-29

Holidays. But properly.

For me, holidays are holidays when I do nothing but to lie back (or to sit on my hands).

And this is a new insight to me!

When I let it all hang out on a day off or at the weekend, then this is really good for me. Usually someone has to remind me to do this. And to remember me to do that and that alone: To sit somewhere and enjoy the sun or the wind or the rustling of the leaves in the forest or the monotonous sound of a stream.

Recently, however, I was on a trip “in the wild,” I took off my sports clothes and lay down in the sun. Then it crossed my mind:

That is how must be your next holidays!”

Because my holidays are always full to bursting with this and that, I want to see this, read that, go there. And in the evening I recover from my holiday.

I have to stop that.

I need proper holidays. (Or I have to gain the attitude that turns every day of my life into a holiday for me.)

Well, first I have to take care of hanging out for two weeks, on a beach or in a lonely tree house or on a boat maybe.

What about you? What is your favoured kind of spending your holidays?


As an Aspie in the workplace … — 2018-10-13

As an Aspie in the workplace …

The last four weeks were exhausting: the work started again. There were new colleagues, many face-to-face talks, conferences.

In the first two weeks there was no afternoon that I didn’t have to recover from working day. And by that I don’t mean a 20 minute power nap. Some days I’d collapse straight into bed at home. Continue reading

Self-injurious behaviour — 2018-10-07

Self-injurious behaviour

I hit myself when I was a teenager.

If, for example, I couldn’t get any further with my homework or an appointment came closer and closer, but I couldn’t get ahead with that damn paper, I hammer myself at the head, with my hands or even with my finger joints or fist.

As a child, when I was excited or really desperate, I hit the ground with my hands, my arms, my feet until I felt this feeling at the affected parts of my body, this warm tingling stream. I only noticed possible injuries later.

Today this only happens when I really can’t understand something, when there is something which doesn’t want “to go in my head”, when I am very, very stressed, when I am supposed to do something completely illogical, but I can’t do it, then I hit myself on the head again and again. It just happens. Even if I know that this is an absurd behaviour, because it can’t change my tricky situation, it “happens”.
If everything runs smoothly, this does not happen.

But when, when does life run smoothly?

Draining shields. Or sensory impacts. — 2017-11-21