On the wrong steamship.

About Aspergers, Autism and (some) Adventures.

Draining shields. Or sensory impacts. — 2017-11-21

Draining shields. Or sensory impacts.

My last post was about people terrorising the neighbourhood with their noise. And I was really, really upset about the acoustic irradiation caused by this specific guy.

Maybe I have written it “with gut instinct” (in German: “out of the belly”, figurative speech).

Let me explain, what is so annoying, so gruelling. It is about sensory impacts and sensory overload.

Continue reading

1st anniversary. — 2017-06-25

1st anniversary.

One year ago this blog has been launched.

I was less often in the Radio room than I thought I would be.

Even on our Autistic Pride Day I did not post a single syllable ūüė¶¬† Well, I did not forget, but I could not bring myself together to write something nice and encouraging.

The last months were demanding, my journey through life on my steamer was “energy-sapping”. Well, obviously the normal “highs and lows”, as the saying goes, but in addition to that there were storms and high seas and pirates.

Of course I am the captain on this vessel, but I am also an Aspie-Captain.

For me it is many times harder to butt out than for people near me: They can swallow unfair behaviour. They say to themselves: “Let them be right, so I have my peace.”

I can not handle things in this manner.

I have to fight and I have to sort things out. Otherwise they will be “active” in my head and distract me at work or even from my everyday stuff.

I wish my journey would take me to a place where I can live my life, where I can work, write, enjoy things, rest as I need it to stay save and sound.

May you do well!

Summer holidays are over. — 2016-09-11

Summer holidays are over.

Holidays are over. Back to work.

The last days I was getting more and more nervous: How will it be? New students, a new building. Will I cope with all the noise, the people, the challenges and of course my duties?

Today I am feeling not relaxed, not relaxed at all. But I am happy that I enjoyed the friendly warmth on my body this morning, I am happy to do some workout this afternoon, to make me a delicious meal later on.

And I will move on. Probably it will get me in heavy waters, for sure it will, but not in uncharted ones.



Life rings — 2016-08-10

Life rings

Luckily there is something to hold on to, sometimes I got hold of life belts on the ocean of everyday life:

  • someone who invites me to lunch (not spontaneously but well in advance)
  • a song, which arouses some positive memories
  • a trip to one of those old castle ruins (which fascinate me again and again)
  • a good dinner in a quiet restaurant
  • the fancy, but funny message at 6.00 AM
  • the bus driver who has stopped halfway between the bus stops just so that I didn’t have to walk in the midday heat
  • the walk in the woods, wading through the forest brook

All of these happenings do not change one damn thing in my life. It’s just the same “drifting in the ocean” (fig.). And it is dangerous. Everyone could be drowned in its heavy waters.

I still feel strained and anxious and fainthearted.

But good to know that there are happenings when I don’t need my auxiliary routines or “subroutines” to be functioning, moments, in which I don’t have to react or to respond immediately.

You know, these moments without expectations, moments, when you just receive something.

Holidays! — 2016-07-27


The whole school year everyone, teachers and student equally, are expecting them: The holidays. Everyone who has studied much, worked hard or has dealt with lots of things, requires some rest.

Since structure is of great help for me getting through the day, the week, the month … holidays often are a real challenge: No tasks, no work, no structure.

So I have to “work” at the beginning¬† of the holidays: I have to plan, to make the weeks well-structured.

This summer I took a small position and for this reason I have some appointments in the first week.

Since there is still a lot of mizmaze (?) in my life, I know that I have to change so many different things. I project the first two weeks to be my time to take small steps, change the things which are easy to change.

I don’t like changes, so I have to be very careful. I have learned (by lessons earned): I can’t change all at once!

Keeping that in mind the holiday time will provide me with some rest.

Get through your holidays hale and hearty!